Let those

Let those weathered hands
full of sand
fall down upon
upon the ground
lift up the weight
the hills
the crates
take your burden to the shore
earth movers
here
shoveling palms
there
build castles from fine rock
they build it
all
upon the
sand
with extremely large
weathered
hands

Let those lungs full
of billows
made of paper
3 inches thick
breathe in and
out
move the earth
about
and make it move
around
and round
make wind fall hard
upon the scars
where the
rocky
underbelly
of the land
shows

Let the feet of turpentine
and sap
pick up aaaaaalllll the pieces
of sand
of earth
of dirt
and deposit it in one sitting
after running
deep in and across
this earth
make a mountain!
make the earth move!
make it turn!

Orange/Spinning

I took a bite out of an orange rind
but I couldn't quite break the skin
and the acid dripped slowy out
from the teeth marks I had bit in
and the zest hit my mouth
like the thorny edge of the sea
bites down hard and cold
against your bare legs and kness

I knocked hard on your door
and you let me right in
we slipped on the yogurt poured
all over your walls and floors
why was there dairy there?
we weren't really sure
but we slid all over your house
on those slippery curds

Now we are down by the lake again
skating across on the cellophane
we were walking all across
and running back again
our shirts are getting soaked
and the sun is getting wet
put back on your overcoat
the world, we are splashing it

All those people, kissing touching
all their remnants
kissing touching
all their ghostly shadows
kissing touching
in the dark
kissing touching

I was once excalceated, walking along a gravel road. It was 115 degrees.

At the same time I was wearing no sunblock and a bikini.

It was a stupid time, but not one I regret.

By the time we walked the two miles across the island we were parched and scorched and had finally found a source of comfort. Water.

Hidden from all the masses on the other side of the island was a cove, man made possibly, but gorgeous, twisting and opalescent. There was a private sailboat sheltering there among the rocky limestone crags. All of us sunk in and cooled the boiling skin that was shedding its water down our backs. We were brown skinned and light headed but the Caribbean was cool. We heeded no warnings that this was private property. At that moment we were only using it in passing.

We were foot sore by the time we reached the other side of the island, our bodies ten pounds lighter for the millions of drops of sweat pooling in our wake. The only thing that kept us from passing out in the humidity on the hike back was that we mugged my more appropriately geared family.

Reaching the other side of the cay where the rest of the boat was relaxing, we rested briefly before hunting down fresh pineapple and then stepping out to snorkel well into the twenty foot deep natural pool on the front side of the island. The ocean water was bath water warm and the swimming was easy, with a natural buoyancy that characterizes salt water. But the life jackets that one had to wear with full on face gear wouldn't allow for deeper diving. Swimming back in I took off the mask and life jacket and switched out for a smaller, lighter mask. The waves were small enough that someone could roll through them and I swam way out and dove down, looking at the bright parrot fish. The ocean was beautiful.

I feel like it's time.

For a little something about my religious views. *sigh* Cause, things like that are personal, and that's what you put in a blog thing, and I guess my religious views are a little skewed. I've had this conversation a couple times, and nothing makes it any easier in explaining it. If my mom would read this she would send me to church everyday.
Because I don't believe in God. Simple statement, bad consequences.
It's not like I haven't tried.
I spent a good thirteen years of my life devoting my time and effort to praising Him, but to no prevail, here I am at 16 and not only do we not have a personal relationship, but I do not believe in the Almighty. Why? Not because of personal tragedy, anything, such and such, other than, I do not believe that God, a god, or any type of deity created a completely infinite space. I don't think one thing could craft the Earth. I believe that the Bible was written to be followed and that if you don't listen to what it says than you may want to think about the basis of your faith.

I remember once that I prayed to God to find my flashlight. I was at church camp. It worked. There you go...

But I don't think that any God would create the good and the bad of the world. I believe humans are too proud to say we grew from primates and were placed here for no apparent reason other than to love one another and reproduce. Because we weren't put here for a reason, I don't think there is a reason.

If there was a God, he would want us to get over ourselves, stop praying in churches every once in a while, and enjoy a beautiful existence.

I have no desire to ever say there was an Adam and and Eve. I think that there were dinosaurs before there ever was a man and a woman and a snake.

I like to stare long ways into space and think about just how far it reaches.

Forever

I don't belive in anything. I don't belive in any other religion over another. There are too many, and they all came about to explain the meaning of life.
Most of them say the same things.
Live well.

Atheism is in non-belief. Some people see it as falacy, as if you can't "not believe", as if it is an opinion. I just don't think that there is a god. I just like to think that the world was made, a long long time ago, by a chaotic happinstance.
And we are man.

Some Christians like to fight with me about how I define morals if I don't have something to set them against. I like to see it as this, drugs are bad. Why are drugs bad? They mess up lives. How would you be able to tell if the good book didn't define morals yadda yad.... You can see their work, don't play dumb. Those are the conversations I dislike having when it comes to my lack of faith. Maybe its a little of a transcendental under-pull, but I believe in the good of man. Possibly humanistic, but I haven't studied enough to delve deeper into that. I just know that when I die, I would love to think that there would be angels and singing, but in fact, I know and I fear, that there will just be blackness.

For a long time.

That's why life is so important now.

A Life Less Ordinary

Would mean moving to Cameroon, just because the name sounds cool.
Or, skydiving, maybe?
Making tie-dye hair nets for a living.
Or, drinking nothing but carrot and scallion juice for 2 weeks.


Or being kidnapped by Ewan McGregor with a Joan Jett haircut. Love at first sight.

It won't always be like this.

So I'm going to take advantage of it

tripping balls with a pair of high flying bi-planes
you're so stuffed full of lemons and ice-cream, ew yum, get sum
sumlight extremist qualities and amazing gastro intestinal pyrotechniques
zebra sameness, hyena lameness
trippin balls trippin balls
couch potato soup
beat box jack in the
pants pants pants
squid octopi occupied
cry cry cry
trep trip trip
now I'm just typing everything that comes out
couch techno
couch love
couch ten things I hate about you
couch blue
couch 90's
couch set hut
trip trep slept
balls


I don't know what just happened

Death By Diamonds and Pearls

is by Band of Skulls, and is a good song, however, it is not really a "springtime" song, so I didn't put it in my playlist (see below)




my obsession

My Meager Sunshine Song List:

Song 2-Blur
Boys and Girls- Blur
Cut Your Hair -Pavement
Lust For Life- Girls
Summertime- Girls
Sweat- Inner Circle
Sugar Never Tasted So Good- The White Stripes
I Found A Whistle- MGMT
Congratulations- MGMT
Get On Your Boots- U2
Superfast Jellyfish- Gorillaz
Salmon Dance- Chemical Brothers
Blue Turning Gray- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Dear God -Monsters of Folk
Instead- Madeleine Peyroux

Morel

"No you bend your knee down like this", he said, showing me how. I mimicked his moves in front of him, trying to master just how it was you properly wrestled someone.
"Now you put your arm's like this!" and vaulting out of a crouch he put his arms around my waist and picked me up. My response was to just laugh, I couldn't actually move for fear of making both of us fall down hard onto the grass.
"I'm sure Grecian wrestlers always practiced with their female friends, and always at night" I said as he dropped me back to Earth and fell down on top of me, a smile gaping across his face.
"They aren't really a match compared to you, I'm sure, considering you have yet to pin me after all these 'attempts', I told you you didn't have a chance, and yet, you always come back for more. It's as if you like me or something." he said while brushing the grass and dirt of himself and clumsily picking out the sticks that had managed to engage themselves with my hair.
"I don't know where you get ideas like that, you manhandle me like Rosie O'Donnell broadcasts news...."
"With lots of cleavage?"
"Yes, that's what first came to mind"
"I thought so too"
We were laying down now, squinting up at the sky, the first days of spring hot and sweaty down our backs and in high supply of lemonade.
"Hey you" he said, and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, making a closed eyed smile at me.