I'm Melting!

Wrapping holiday presents late at night makes me feel elfish.

"And then I just showed up, they were all standing there plastered, the music was terrible. So I dropped trow and ran through yelling 'I've got the GreeeeeeeeEEeeen BeaaaAAAnnnnn Casseroollllllleeeeee!!' and they were staring at that, and it was green. Hopefully they will now appreciate the Holiday dinner party."

So far, I got The Graduate! and Henna for Christmas so I can go about crossing them off my list. However, my good will toward men is slowly degenerating.

"It's like I was playing some kind of game, but the rules don't make any sense to me. They're being made up by all the wrong people. I mean no one makes them up. They seem to make themselves up."

Sincerely,
College

Don't Lick That!

'tis the season for A Christmas Story.

Day Three of being stuck at home. Not counting Wednesday, even though I should count it.

Congratulations are due, I taught myself guitar.
Every time someone else would try to teach me it by telling me what to do their instructions just sort of whizzed over my head, you could hear them, passing by as my eyes glazed over and I became internally engrossed in my own thoughts. I don't take spoken direction well.
But, ye gads! I can read guitar chords! And I even tuned the ancient Yamaha!

So, I haven't completely wasted my free time. I holiday decorated too. AND had a wild rumpus in the snow... all by myself. Dammit. But I really need to go Christmas shopping for the ones I love... most of the time. Which means a trip away from home! Yay!

My grandmother is moving in- to town- not into our home. I've never had a relative close by before. It'll be... interesting.

Speaking of Christmas, this is my Christmas list, even though it's like a week away now. Snuck up on me.

Henna

Indoor Soccer shoes that fit, my old ones are tiiiiight

Beach House CD and or Iron & Wine CD- since I'm missing those in my pitifully small collection

Skis!

Well I mean, I really REALLY need my own laptop

Snow?

The Graduate (So here's to you, Mrs. Robinson)

All Seasons of Freaks and Geeks

Some clothes! But I'd rather buy them on my own.

Peace on Earth

Good will toward men

A pet Nautilus

Tickets to go see Macbeth at the Shakespeare Theater

Curtains

The following books:
The Threepenny Opera
Water for Elephants
Pride and Prejudice and ZOMBIES
The Eyewitness Knot Tying Book -- What? Knots are... cool.
The Little Prince
Girl Who Kicked...
Girl Who Played..


And this-- Quack

Everything is Illuminated

Or it was slightly, fleetingly illuminated, a break in the clouds, the flash of a camera.

Deep breath. Done.
Prediction of snow: high.

Exams this week were hard. I was highly disappointed in myself. Of course, the irony of being disappointed in oneself is that you are the only change in your life when it comes to the will. You have to have will to do things. Things like study and get good grades. Somehow I'm losing the will. Sigh.

Anyway, Calculus and BIO 101 Exams = failure.
English, no exam --yet.
AP Art-- pretty sure my instructor wants to strangle me.

But today is another day, in which, after my Calculus exam I went home and passed out for three hours, because unfortunately I set my alarm on my phone wrong and didn't wake up to go to English. I can make it up, I just hate missing that class because it's my only surviving A. That and English is greeeeaaaat.
So I woke up, pulled my running clothes on and went for a run. Then I ran into my coach because she was running too. Went to Baine's. Hung out. Rented a ton of movies. Watched Sweeney Todd while eating chili (never EVER a good idea).
Now I just have my Shakespeare paper and a bunch of AP Art Homework to do and I'm free at last.

And, my college hunt just turned south for a little while after I got a letter from SUNY-ESF, stating that, no- I did not get in, that my application had been pulled for lack of information. Which, led to a mental breakdown for 10 minutes as I franticly tried to call the Undergraduate Office, which I finally reached and explained that I didn't realize I was missing anything. So, apparently they're reopening my file. Which is good news.

I still have the rest of Hamlet to read and I'll probably not have soccer this weekend, even though I was looking forward to it. Snow bound!

I wish that we could talk about it,
But there, that's the problem.
With someone new I could have started,
Too late, for beginnings.
The little things that made me harassed,
Are gone, in a moment.
I miss the way we used to argue,
Locked, in your basement.

I wake up and the phone is ringing,
Surprised, as it's early.
And that should be the perfect warning,
That something's, a problem.
To tell the truth I saw it coming,
The way, you were breathing.
But nothing can prepare you for it,
The voice, on the other, end.

The worst is all the lovely weather,
I'm sad, it's not raining.
The coffee isn't even bitter,
Because, what's the difference?
There's all the work that needs to be done,
It's late, for revision.
There's all the time and all the planning,
And songs, to be finished.

And it keeps coming,
And it keeps coming,
And it keeps coming,
Till the day it stops

-Someone Great
lcd soundsystem

Change of Scene!

No, really we've got to change the fucking set before the act is over...

I have a comfy corner! It's upstairs at Baine's, and since I spent all day Sunday huddled in it I now claim it as mine. I have the left end (with arm rest) of this ancient corduroy? couch, that when you sit on it sinks half a foot, creating a butt chasm. I then fold both legs over each other and rest my laptop on top. Unfortunately, I'm making due with a folding chair as my coffee table, but Generic White Coffee Mug doesn't mind. It also is set so far back in the room that only on closer inspection can you see me, tap taping away in my cute little elf shoes.

IMA MAKE PUMPKIN BREAD AND THIS IS NOT COPYING BECAUSE THERE'S EXTRA PUMPKIN IN THE FRIDGE FROM PUMPKIN PANCAKES THE OTHER DAY. THERE WILL BE NO NUTS IN PUMPKIN BREAD. YUCK.

So, also, I've been thinking about what I need in the case of a zombie apocolypse, and since I obviously have guns and ammunition I need to ensure my own safety from possibly faulty clothing.

There is no clothing at Urban Outfitters suitable for the zombie apocolypse.

Scenesters die first. People that call scene kids "scenesters" probably die first as well.

I think that from now on I'm going to buy hiking//running boots for my only footwear, because the first rule of the zombie apocolypse is CARDIO. And I really can't run in TOMS. Guess what happens to all the third world inhabitants that TOMS helps shod? THEY GET NOM NOMMED BY ZOM ZOMS. Sorry.

All houses with windows must go.

Where's the nearest CDC?

I'll need almost 200 gallons of gasoline.

And a pick axe.
ROAR.

Family Matters

Melodramatic Thanksgiving is now done.
We fried a turkey.
We killed a possum.
But, my family, is so disconnecte that we can not have a whole day together, with all of us in the same house without a mediator of a TV. We're all slaves to digital boxes. I mean, we can spend a day together, in the same house, but not without frequent outbursts of unpleasent adjectives. So if we ever became ship-wrecked like the Swiss Family Robinson, without modern technology, we would probably kill each other off. I don't know how this would ever change, except that my sister and I will probably move away from my parents, inciting a loss of mental stability as to why we didn't move back near my parents. The relationship I have with my sister, or lack of relationship will then downgrade from there, and so we'll end up in different parts of the country, with families that don't see their relatives. Just. like. now.

So, that's just what gets pushed into my brain on break. Happy holidays.

But in other news, my feet are violet. Violent violet. And really, really cold. Snuggling is now in order.

Seasonally Out of It

I habitually stare out the window during class.
The Autumn weather is going to be my Titanic. Because I can't stay inside to do school work when the most beautiful orange days are fading away. What about when it snows! I'll just have to be inside, and it will be constantly grey. Let me soak up the dirt, and the smell of tomatoes and watch the high cirrus blow across the mountains before its all covered in snow.
Snow... Ski season.

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I had the urgency to blog because I couldn't focus on school.
Currently studying: Pieter Bruegel the Elder. Electric cars. Logarithms. mRNA. T.S. Elliot.

Currently obsessed with: Obsessions!

Ha.

I'm slowly loosing my sense of humor to my power of analyzing. Like, that area where I analyze something is expanding into the area where my tiny sense of humor is stored. It took it up! It encroached! R.I.P. sense of humor.

strA

And grab your glue gun
And grab you glitter
and grab your clay
'cause they be crafting everything up 'n here.

I feel like I have an underdeveloped sense of arts and crafts. So, when I was a kid I could just mash a bunch of little felty thiings on cardboard and I was assured no matter HOW MANY TIMES I ASKED, it looked perfect (and even then, I was such a fucking perfectionist) but now, now I have to TRY to make beautiful things. And I think about those poor souls in art school and go 'Where do they pull out this infinite amount of ability? Are their brains special? This is bananas!' And then I walk over and put a brick through their window. JK. They'd probably think its this void of a whole and keep it there for the effect when they pull out their 35 mm and start snapping pics evy'where. But I envy them boogers.

I'm stuck on college essays. Time isn't down to the wire yet, but,...yet.

If K--- drops a bomb in the woods, does anybody hear?

Before Sunrise

Daydream delusion
Limousine Eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and milkshakes
Don’t you know me?
Don’t you know me by now?

I wish I could take credit for such a master stroke,

Aunt Jemima Puddle Duck

Here Comes the Sun Again

I hate this 'dark so quickly' jizz.
How am I supposed to run long and not get hit by cars?

I've got green tea, and I failed my Calc test and... I feel all warm on the inside.

And I meant to say, in yesterday's post--

Now that I have your attention,
let me lose it by talking about myself.

I backed out of writing a Gay Marriage (for) argument paper today.
In retrospective, I'm not sure why I would do that.
Most of the time I am directly inflammatory and though you're not supposed to approach these sort of essays with the kind of attitude that says 'hey, I'm going to be intentionally inflammatory of everyone's really backwards and conservative views', that's what I believed I would do with this. I would throw their stupid homophobia.

But, when she called on me, with my hand raised, I blurted out "I'd like to do my essay on electric cars, and I'm against them". This clearly wasn't what I had chosen to, and had made up my mind, to do. But that was what I spit out. And it got me thinking that if I can't even talk about this subject comfortably, or write a three page (three pages, for God's sake, a trifling amount) paper about it, then I am no better than the homophobics of my school. This saddens me, because I do support gay rights, and if I can't voice an opinion on it then does this make me a coward? Clearly, the electric car topic was weak sauce compared to this.

11:18

My Mechanical Toothbrush!

And other witty things that vibrate.

So now that I have your attention....
Come in for...
A Hot BOWL OF...
Soup

I'm trying to put more thoughts into blog form since it's creative/ thoughtful/ caring/ compassionate/ loving/ fondling/ getting/ a/ little/ handsy/ ach!

PUMPKIN PANCAKES and WOOL SOCKS are the only things I want in life.

If I had to give a self-description of myself I'd put in it that I'm the mounds of laundry I never do because I only think about myself and I drop the s-bomb in English.
But only when provoked.

When the cops ride behind me with their lights on I find that I get more butterflies in my chest then I whenever I talk to guys. Because, when guys are hitting on you, you're supposed to get all fluttery right?
Too bad cops are the only ones that have that effect on me.
This all sounds despicable...
if it weren't for the fact that I've had two close run ins in the last month

I believe it's true that we both hate and fear what we do not know.
Like, how I fear calculus.