What is with
your LOUD vernacular?
spoken in some jarbled speech
using semblances of BANG and BOOM
rolling out your mouth like
a chopped off tongue
eyes widen
whenever your teeth chomp out
GNASH and ANGRY
why so loud?
spit it out
out, out with it
roll in it
BURN it down like an old
movie script
by those movie people
in the movie place
I consider
FAILURE linked with
HATE
and
JEALOUSY in correlation
with LOVE
all these LOUD words
taking up more space
IN ALL CAPS

what is with,
your loud LANGUAGE?



~~~~~~~~~~~~




SPLASHING
IN
A SORDID
SEA


THAT'S
ALWAYS ME

Spring!

I've got flowers in my hair.

Out and About

I was thinking about what to write about... about myself, maybe.

A while back I said that I never fill out those About Me sections. This is true. I never know...exactly what to put in there. It's like saying "sum up the infinite things you think about in a day". You can't, you just can't remember everything you thought about, your exact thoughts across the minutes and seconds and hours of a day. And, in exactly the same way, you can't sum yourself up briefly. Sure there are cool song lyrics and whatnots to put there that SOUND cool, but they aren't, they just aren't the same as a good description of yourself. A brief autobiography. A little bit of your own history, the only history that you can be an active participant of making. Every other history is just thrown off by random interjections and forks in the road of people and places. An About Me is, maybe, a little bit sacred.

The About Me is the cold desolate truth, where you find out about how tough your guts are. Can you put yourself out there enough? Can you define yourself briefly? Is it even possible? Will you make it out alive? Why are there so many questions?

There is the brief description....

Hi! My name is Kate Tillotson. I hail from Appomattox. I have a lovely dog, six cats, a snake, and two horses. I like pb&js and being competitive and blogs and the art of espresso.

But even then, you don't get the whole me, the particular aspects and idiosyncrasies that define what I say. You can't get the proper picture. It is as vague as saying your favorite color is white. Technically, white is made up of all colors. You like all colors? Well, what the jibit am I supposed to judge you by?

The longer and incomplete version....

I dislike About Me's. So, when I first came to this section, I skipped over it, ran around, took a nap, and ate dinner before coming back. You'll pick apart this entry for sure. Who I am, what I like to do, weaknesses, strengths, yada. We all do it, and that's how I know.

I've lived in here my whole life. Some say the place you live doesn't define you, you define it. That's bull. I'm completely a product of my environment. Now that I have finally realized it I am trying to mold the place around me. Picking friends that fit me, being interesting, starting little trickling trends, I love doing that and watching it happen through a closed environment like my high school. I finally realized that you can do whatever you want after a certain point. It's great.

So for some of my activities, I don't do work, and I take up my time writing things. I...run, sometimes, and other times I play soccer or...I eat pizza, or I stay up late watching Scrubs. I shoot competitively, which is definitely a cool activity, not many people can say they do that for an extra curricular. I love to read, books, magazines, the back of shampoo bottles... I find other people's words much more amazing than mine can ever hope to be. I can atleast pay homage to them by reading what they put down, judging it, and reading it some more. I'm bad at small talk and i like pink dresses and action movies. I like looking at winter trees and jumping on the huge piano in F.A.O. Schwarz. I can't whistle or do handstands or pull off hats or touch my tongue to my nose. I'm scared of death and men in rabbit suits and cats with rabies and old people and losing my memory. I love yelling off mountains and being sucessful and the beach. The sea, I'm mesmerized and terrified by the ocean and space. How it is all infinite. I like graffiti and street dancers and unicycles and bicycles and tea. And velvet high back chairs and patterned tights and red brick houses. I love old plantations and fields of broomstraw and cedar fence posts and racing someone to my car. I hate bus rides to school and early morning breakfest and all you can eat buffets.

I like blueberries. I hate fireworks.


To you, that may have seemed like a satisfactory About Me, but as I was typing it I thought of so many other aspects.

So, I have come to the conclusion that while everyone else may think that you have summed yourself you may always believe that you have just begun. There's just so much to cover.

My mind's on shuffle

I walked outside without shoes on today and I didn't get cold. The thaw has started and it's contagious. There will be lemonade stands out soon. There will be ray ban wayfares and that permeating tanning bed smell in class. There will be dresses and headlights and short shorts.

I figured out it's not easy to run on a stomach full of starburst jelly beans and donuts. But it's okay. It's springtime. The smooth acceleration of the downhills. The not so smooth uphill climb. It all feels fantastic.

Right now I'm trying to force out forsithia blooms by cutting limbs and leaving them in the sun in our kitchen. It's one of my favorite smells. That and lilac and freshly cut cedar. I'm a sucker for flowers.


Yesterday at my internship there was a Kill Deer pair nesting at one of the hot water ponds. They sort of look like the sand birds that you see at the beach except with smaller, shorter beaks.

I cannot focus on school work, it is really really bad. But, I don't mind.

I'm in the need of:
Straffordshire Kiln Craft Cat Mug
Origami Paper
An iPod with a larger memory
A dress....or two
Warm hat
Sunscreen
new Vans, cause my other ones are pretty holey

Spring is Broken, Let Break Begin

Brushing the sticky salt from sun punished skin
pulling fingers through stiff curls
running down to the edge to lookout for the fins
waves pull and rip and unfurl

Seagulls flip by in white winged spirals
the sea flashes bright tips
and there are a million tan boys and girls
doing somersaults and back flips

Plastic buckets hold in the beach
and sand castles are under construction
left only when the tides come and reach
and wash away their foundations, total destruction

The quiet spell as the sun drops into the sea
and the cool night rushes in
salt encrusts itself into th denim of my jeans
as I play in the surf 'til its too cold to swim

The next day at daybreak I run on the sand
bare feet sinking into each mold
the sweat drips hot down my back, to my hands
I ponder if I have ever felt the cold

Long nights of watching palms in day glow
and flamingos bathing in the neighborhood canals
here the warm and heat never goes
the sun flicks in and out like television channels

Long nights of italian ice and bicycle tires
flourescent cantinas murmuring
tantalizing sweet heat of backyard fires
sunburnt skin and dresses fluttering

The springtime serenade of the surf
midterm siestas sprawled in the sun
schoolwork is boring when life has this worth
of gemstone skies and hot aquatic funs

Life lessons

I'm sorry that my posts have been...odd, lately. I haven't been thinking really, just jetting down some words and then leaving it and feeling a little guilty for what I was saying. I have the decency within myself to put up something worth reading, or writing, or thinking about.

Life lessons

It is hard to open a banana with mittens on. First you have to take the mittens off. If you are wearing mittens then it is probably cold. Therefore don't eat bananas when it is cold.

Never take your dog to watch fireworks.

Unlocking the doors to your car allows easier access to the back, but climbing all the way there makes it more challenging.

A minimum of three inches of snow is required to sled. Remember.

futurama mama llama pajama farmer

Future plots

Sometimes I focus so much on the future I can't see the present, and that is clearly a problem.

But anyway, I made my first paper crane.

The future:

I'm going to make a movie list of all the movies I like and put it on my blog
I'm going to own a billiards hall on a corner and name it Corner Pocket
I'm going to make a folk band called Grindle or something cuter like...Rose Hip Breakers...we'll see

I am going to make a band though
And I'll go on Liberty Idol and they'll hate the noodles out of me
fo'shame
I'm going to go to college
.....f******cking physics
curse you Newton! GLACKIFUNCKJUICE

maybe the future is a folly

my band's first song: Evolution, Maybe?

I found a Dinosaur today
maybe it tried to run away
a million years ago
oh no no
The asteroid it came to stay
it blacked out the whole darn day
no Dinosaurs came home
oh no no
Ex-Stink-tion sucks
but I guess we have our pluck
existentialism blows
oh no no
Humans now rule the Earth
With our large bursting girths
we will never go
oh no no
No-o-oh

I'm going to make it a life goal to make the best key lime pie ever.

I think I'll win.

Oh, I also want to go to college.
But, where?

Food stuffs for my mind meat.

Remember when you could watch 5 movies for a nickel?

think twice
makes me think of double think
makes me think of communism

so don't think twice
it's alright

I was thinking through my list of favorite movies. Since I never include them in places such as 'About Me' I'll put it here.

Movie List:
The Prestige
Million Dollar Brain
Whale Rider
(500) Days of Summer
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Spy Kids
Fantasia 2000
A Breakfast At Tiffany's
Splash
Forrest Gump
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
V for Vendetta
October Sky
Apollo 13
Robinhood
Men in Tights
History of the World Part 1
Young Frankenstein
Blazing Saddles
The Lorax
Elf
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
School of Rock
Peter Pan
Hook
Flubber
August Rush
Slumdog Millionaire
The Sting
Never Cry Wolf
Candy
Harry Potter Mania
Juno
X-Men
Fight Club
The Little Mermaid
Shrek
King Corn
Watchmen
Rememeber the Titans
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Hidalgo
National Velvet
Edward Scissorhands
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Pineapple Express
Little Shop of Horrors
Dancing With Wolves
The Waterboy
UP
Wall.E

.....

Eventually there will come a time when there are more.

Ramblings in a 50 post

Oh, yey! Joyous yey, I made it to 50 posts and I have twice that many views. My blog is growing, who knew this could be so much fun and substance (Microsoft’s synonym for stuff). For celebration I might write a story.
The aisles were cool, the refrigerated air sinking lower, frisking my bare heels as I walked between the low piled stacks of fresh fruit. Stickers of the various countries of origin hidden underneath the plastic bags, the fleshy skin pressing into the racks, kiwis and pomegranates looking back at me as I rolled my cart past the displays, the right front wheel wobbling and squeaking. My eyes were glazed, droopy with the cool AC, cold air draping itself along my damp hair that still smelled of chlorine, the chill prickling along the sun burnt brown of my skin and dulling the oncoming heat stroke. The produce section had to be my favorite part of the store in the summer, the rich summer vegetables were finally ripe naturally, not gassed like the tomatoes of January. I picked up only the exotics while I was there, plantains and pineapples, things that would complement the growing variety of freshly grown vegetables that hard work, a couple wheelbarrows of rocks and countless blisters had finally sprouted from the Earth. This far into the season I couldn’t clean the dirt out of my nails except when I spent the whole day at the pool, drenching my skin in the glorious chemical chlorine and developing sunglass tans as I lay out on the cement pool deck, taking a break from the chilly, summer water. That’s where I had been, before coming here, restocking on only the essentials. Fruit, vegetables, bread. The only things to eat when it was this hot, running when imbibing anything thicker or more filling would be treacherous territory when the world was burned this sweating. I wheeled along, thinking of The Lord of the Flies, how the boys couldn’t survive on the fruit. In the summertime I reverted to vegetarianism, the body reacting calmly to the garnet strawberries, peridot pea gems picked fresh and eaten, still in their pods by the wandering hungry gardener. Maybe I just had too much time on my hands, to grow fruit this well, but maybe it was just my calling. Looking now inside the misty lots I saw other people’s handy work, shined up and marketed to me, gleaming. “Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun.”, checking out I watched other people with beer and meat cookies…..



To be continued when I wake up....

Under the Sea

"I am making a return to Forks In Her Hair!"

The title has a meaning, unlike some of my post titles, the title of my blog actually has a meaning.

It is actually a bit of Disney. But, the real story of the Little Mermaid is much different than any sugared up animated VHS version you have at home.
...I was had a Little Mermaid alarm clock. It played "Under the Sea" every morning. I hated it, and clocks....and time.

But the idea of being to naive that you comb your hair with a fork is wonderful. Also the idea of having a tail. That would be cool. And meeting a woman named Ursala. And having rock hard abs from dolphin strokes.

"Under the sea
Under the sea
Darling it's better
Down where it's wetter
Take it from me
Up on the shore they work all day
Out in the sun they slave away
While we devotin'
Full time to floatin'
Under the sea"



if you engage the eye, the mind will follow