That other weekend...

This other weekend I was thinking about my true friends. The ones that would call your house even though they know your parents are home, and they know that talking to them, as a guy that isn't your boyfriend, would be awkward. The kind of friends that immediately scoot over their chairs when you come to sit down, so as to make room, even though they thought you would be there so much earlier, with a group of your own friends. The friends where you can talk about all the ugly things in life and you can rant. Friends that make the 'stop talking' face when someone comes up behind you that you just started talking about. True friends, that make sure you know if you have a game or not and offer to cover your work, even though you're pretty sure you don't actually have a game. Or just, those people that you talk about music with, and popular culture, and those cliche topics of drama and love lifes and stuff. They are frinds.
Friends that don't mind if you stick mustaches on their car.
Pseudo friends that know that if they were going to your prom, then you would be part of that group that all hangs out together beforehand.
Friends that give back massages.
Friends that talk all night with you.
The friends that even though you don't see them, they know that you want the best for them, and they understand when you don't have anything to say for the type of situation they are in except "I'm so very sorry..."
People that know when you listen to Johnny Cash on repeat it is almost always a bad thing.
People that wanted you to go to the movies with their friends, even if it would mean taunting. And jeering.
The type of people that don't care if you yell at them or not. They just care about you.

Friendly type people.

Ones that understand that when they diss your hair and you say back "FUCK you too"
they really shouldn't take it the wrong way
you're just having a bad day

way to go

There isn't a room with a view
there is only one room
or one wall
with windows
and apparently
if you can see, if you are not blind
if the windows aren't opaque, if your eyes aren't melting
than there may be a view to the outside
but, you have to take into account that, indeed
your eyes may be melting


The shit times of spring:
A. lets go visit college, oh well, your grades suck, so your staying home
B. love sucks
C. physics sucks
D. soccer 1-3? season...
E. this writing, this season, it all
F. sucks

ick.

If I move away,
down to Cali where there isn't blue sky
if I find along the way
that there are many miles of
open country and big air
will I like it there
I'm not much for cares
the ease, the space
the packed apartments
the smog
I can see it pasted to me
pasted in my background
as if scissors cut me from here
and pasted me
right
there
never more have I wanted less to move about
and I never want to lose what I had before
and I know that what I wanted before
was to go to Cali
Greece did call me
Germany, maybe
France and its Parisian splendor
and the NorthEast America
with the Dutch beauty
and urban sprawl
of a million buzzing masses
huddling in cement towers
I knew that they too, were calling me
Marina City, and it's devotion to the water
I liked it too
but Cali, it's calling
but there's nothing there for me
except for
Cali

Oh, the days grow slow, though

And the hallway with paneling
belongs somewhere, in the 90's
back when the gloves I wore had strings attached
and I had five pairs of neon wind pants
oh, the days grow slow though

I learned to make waffles in the hotel
down by the beach where the waves swell
there are many memories here
along a sandy shore
oh, the days grow slow though

Tsk tsk, don't wear dresses
don't wears socks
never wears shoes
got callouses down to the bone, though
write this way, used to
oh, the days grow slow though

Cookie cutter afternoons
everyday in and out
to the pool and back again
red jeep, back seat
friends, yeah
oh, the days grow slow though

Runaway, restless
Middle
School
oh, the days grow slow though

Color blocking those memories
out of my head
gym class, running fast
oh, the days grow slow though

Fast forward to now and you find...
here,
the present
snarling, bearish
rear view is clear
I love the now
oh, the days grow slow though

Mother Earth and Father Time

How very special are we
For just a moment to be
Part of life'ss eternal rhyme
How very special are we
To have on our family tree
Mother Earth and Father Time
He turns the seasons around
And so she changes her gown
But they always look in their prime
They go on dancing their dance
Of every lasting romance
Mother Earth and Father Time
The summer larks return to sing
Oh what a gift they give
Then autumn days grow short and cold
Oh what a joy to live
How very special are we
For just a moment to be
Part of life's eternal rhyme
How very special are we
To have on our family tree
Mother Earth and Father Time


That's some pig!

-Charlotte's Web

Spaceballs.

You ever think about what kind of music you would listen to if you were an astronaut?
And you were in space??
Right now!?

I do.

Low Rider- Santana
I Can See For Miles- The Who (cliche)
Come Fly With Me- Frank Sinatra
Fake Plastic Trees- Radiohead
Majik Marker- Mini Mansions
Flash Delirium- MGMT


But what if you only had one song that played over and over in your starship?
What would it be?

sweet slippery feelings

Oh, glorious weekend! Friday, Saturday, Sunday was a lovely beauty of a break. it felt like spring break. It felt like the beach.

Friday afternoon I left school and instead of running or playing outside I took a sudo-nap in the sunshine on the west end of the house with NPR trned on to a low murmuring and my dad hacking away out the pine trees that obscure our view of the now back sunsets. I talked to Todd and ran away to work where I resisted the urge to eat cake and hummed along to the all too familiar covers of Worm and Tater and the other guy...that plays, and is really friendly. There was an iced chai as tall as a baby and I drank it all! And slipped...hours and hours later after resurrecting my room into some semblence that it has not felt sent, forever ago... the drifted off into a restless sleep full of nothingness only to wake up early.

And I drove to Charlottesville! Where there were so many people and bebes and perros and couples with sweet gifts of mustaches and vinyl and hippie jackets, which I now have, thank you Anthony. There was righting to the world. Everything is set straight. There was also waffles at midnight and John Mayer hate-a-thons and bagels and beautiful harmonica music and not finding Kid Cudi shirts and dresses and schleming under cherry trees. Everything that makes me happy.

And Sunday I made a lime chiffon cake. Tell me that doesn't sound amazing? The preview for the new Harry Potter movie was on and I sat cross-legged on the couch eating my iced masterpiece. In proud defiance of any homework that school assigned me. I sat there sorting through pictures, wondering how I could take more.... I want more pictures.

Physical Life Science

When you were young and you didn't understand anything.

I used to think that electicity could flow through the air and charge electrical devices.

Sounds a little preposterous, I know. But think back on a memory or an idea formed when you were small, much smaller than you are now. Eventually science disproved it, took away the magic of being your own creator.

But, why?

It doesn't have to be that way. You can take anything you want and run with it, any belief, any idea, creation, speculation. Look at: religion, wikipedia, Leonardo da Vinci.

I think that electricity can still flow through the air. It's called sunlight. It powers the electricity on Earth. It gives us light. It's a lightbulb, electricity is light. It moves in waves of photons. It moves in waves. Waves are electricity. Water is electicity. Wind is electricity. The uneven heating of the Earth is electricity. The Sun heats the Earth. The Sun generates electricity. Light is electricity.

flowers

eat your mustard!

Buds

eyelash shadow
upon the speckled cheek
feathered there from the lazy layers
of cool daunting
spring sun

with your hair mussed up
curled along a winter's pale
shoulder

and the nude lips get pressed together
as you study the crocuses
poking pretty from the
brown ground that
scuffs up your new summer shoes

you
pushing the sides of your dress down
as the March breeze roars in
on a Sunday morning

smacking your gum
and giggling unconsciously
thinking about whats outside
your classroom's windows
swinging your feet
under your desk

the porch lights swing
from a Christmas season retired
jumping off the steps
and running down the driveway
trying to catch
the setting sun

and during the late afternoon
when the marmalade sky
sweeps down upon the bread of the land
your eyelashes will catch
the last sighing rays

APES

I found this while working on APES and studying the El Nino...

Scene Five
La Niña Delivers


Niño: Well, I delivered. When do you deliver?

Niña: Tonight.

Niño: Where?

Niña: On the Titanic.

Niño: On the.......Titanic?

Niña: You must know about the Titanic sweetie pie.

Niño: Yeah, yeah, I know about the sinking of the Titanic, and I know about the movie, but I haven't seen it yet.

Niña: We'll recreate the big sex scene from the movie. It takes place in the back seat of a car in the cargo hull of the Titanic. After that, we'll play the roles of the movie stars until you find your rightful place in the Sea.

Niño: Done deal.


This is as good as Spanish soaps.

What is with
your LOUD vernacular?
spoken in some jarbled speech
using semblances of BANG and BOOM
rolling out your mouth like
a chopped off tongue
eyes widen
whenever your teeth chomp out
GNASH and ANGRY
why so loud?
spit it out
out, out with it
roll in it
BURN it down like an old
movie script
by those movie people
in the movie place
I consider
FAILURE linked with
HATE
and
JEALOUSY in correlation
with LOVE
all these LOUD words
taking up more space
IN ALL CAPS

what is with,
your loud LANGUAGE?



~~~~~~~~~~~~




SPLASHING
IN
A SORDID
SEA


THAT'S
ALWAYS ME

Spring!

I've got flowers in my hair.

Out and About

I was thinking about what to write about... about myself, maybe.

A while back I said that I never fill out those About Me sections. This is true. I never know...exactly what to put in there. It's like saying "sum up the infinite things you think about in a day". You can't, you just can't remember everything you thought about, your exact thoughts across the minutes and seconds and hours of a day. And, in exactly the same way, you can't sum yourself up briefly. Sure there are cool song lyrics and whatnots to put there that SOUND cool, but they aren't, they just aren't the same as a good description of yourself. A brief autobiography. A little bit of your own history, the only history that you can be an active participant of making. Every other history is just thrown off by random interjections and forks in the road of people and places. An About Me is, maybe, a little bit sacred.

The About Me is the cold desolate truth, where you find out about how tough your guts are. Can you put yourself out there enough? Can you define yourself briefly? Is it even possible? Will you make it out alive? Why are there so many questions?

There is the brief description....

Hi! My name is Kate Tillotson. I hail from Appomattox. I have a lovely dog, six cats, a snake, and two horses. I like pb&js and being competitive and blogs and the art of espresso.

But even then, you don't get the whole me, the particular aspects and idiosyncrasies that define what I say. You can't get the proper picture. It is as vague as saying your favorite color is white. Technically, white is made up of all colors. You like all colors? Well, what the jibit am I supposed to judge you by?

The longer and incomplete version....

I dislike About Me's. So, when I first came to this section, I skipped over it, ran around, took a nap, and ate dinner before coming back. You'll pick apart this entry for sure. Who I am, what I like to do, weaknesses, strengths, yada. We all do it, and that's how I know.

I've lived in here my whole life. Some say the place you live doesn't define you, you define it. That's bull. I'm completely a product of my environment. Now that I have finally realized it I am trying to mold the place around me. Picking friends that fit me, being interesting, starting little trickling trends, I love doing that and watching it happen through a closed environment like my high school. I finally realized that you can do whatever you want after a certain point. It's great.

So for some of my activities, I don't do work, and I take up my time writing things. I...run, sometimes, and other times I play soccer or...I eat pizza, or I stay up late watching Scrubs. I shoot competitively, which is definitely a cool activity, not many people can say they do that for an extra curricular. I love to read, books, magazines, the back of shampoo bottles... I find other people's words much more amazing than mine can ever hope to be. I can atleast pay homage to them by reading what they put down, judging it, and reading it some more. I'm bad at small talk and i like pink dresses and action movies. I like looking at winter trees and jumping on the huge piano in F.A.O. Schwarz. I can't whistle or do handstands or pull off hats or touch my tongue to my nose. I'm scared of death and men in rabbit suits and cats with rabies and old people and losing my memory. I love yelling off mountains and being sucessful and the beach. The sea, I'm mesmerized and terrified by the ocean and space. How it is all infinite. I like graffiti and street dancers and unicycles and bicycles and tea. And velvet high back chairs and patterned tights and red brick houses. I love old plantations and fields of broomstraw and cedar fence posts and racing someone to my car. I hate bus rides to school and early morning breakfest and all you can eat buffets.

I like blueberries. I hate fireworks.


To you, that may have seemed like a satisfactory About Me, but as I was typing it I thought of so many other aspects.

So, I have come to the conclusion that while everyone else may think that you have summed yourself you may always believe that you have just begun. There's just so much to cover.

My mind's on shuffle

I walked outside without shoes on today and I didn't get cold. The thaw has started and it's contagious. There will be lemonade stands out soon. There will be ray ban wayfares and that permeating tanning bed smell in class. There will be dresses and headlights and short shorts.

I figured out it's not easy to run on a stomach full of starburst jelly beans and donuts. But it's okay. It's springtime. The smooth acceleration of the downhills. The not so smooth uphill climb. It all feels fantastic.

Right now I'm trying to force out forsithia blooms by cutting limbs and leaving them in the sun in our kitchen. It's one of my favorite smells. That and lilac and freshly cut cedar. I'm a sucker for flowers.


Yesterday at my internship there was a Kill Deer pair nesting at one of the hot water ponds. They sort of look like the sand birds that you see at the beach except with smaller, shorter beaks.

I cannot focus on school work, it is really really bad. But, I don't mind.

I'm in the need of:
Straffordshire Kiln Craft Cat Mug
Origami Paper
An iPod with a larger memory
A dress....or two
Warm hat
Sunscreen
new Vans, cause my other ones are pretty holey

Spring is Broken, Let Break Begin

Brushing the sticky salt from sun punished skin
pulling fingers through stiff curls
running down to the edge to lookout for the fins
waves pull and rip and unfurl

Seagulls flip by in white winged spirals
the sea flashes bright tips
and there are a million tan boys and girls
doing somersaults and back flips

Plastic buckets hold in the beach
and sand castles are under construction
left only when the tides come and reach
and wash away their foundations, total destruction

The quiet spell as the sun drops into the sea
and the cool night rushes in
salt encrusts itself into th denim of my jeans
as I play in the surf 'til its too cold to swim

The next day at daybreak I run on the sand
bare feet sinking into each mold
the sweat drips hot down my back, to my hands
I ponder if I have ever felt the cold

Long nights of watching palms in day glow
and flamingos bathing in the neighborhood canals
here the warm and heat never goes
the sun flicks in and out like television channels

Long nights of italian ice and bicycle tires
flourescent cantinas murmuring
tantalizing sweet heat of backyard fires
sunburnt skin and dresses fluttering

The springtime serenade of the surf
midterm siestas sprawled in the sun
schoolwork is boring when life has this worth
of gemstone skies and hot aquatic funs

Life lessons

I'm sorry that my posts have been...odd, lately. I haven't been thinking really, just jetting down some words and then leaving it and feeling a little guilty for what I was saying. I have the decency within myself to put up something worth reading, or writing, or thinking about.

Life lessons

It is hard to open a banana with mittens on. First you have to take the mittens off. If you are wearing mittens then it is probably cold. Therefore don't eat bananas when it is cold.

Never take your dog to watch fireworks.

Unlocking the doors to your car allows easier access to the back, but climbing all the way there makes it more challenging.

A minimum of three inches of snow is required to sled. Remember.

futurama mama llama pajama farmer

Future plots

Sometimes I focus so much on the future I can't see the present, and that is clearly a problem.

But anyway, I made my first paper crane.

The future:

I'm going to make a movie list of all the movies I like and put it on my blog
I'm going to own a billiards hall on a corner and name it Corner Pocket
I'm going to make a folk band called Grindle or something cuter like...Rose Hip Breakers...we'll see

I am going to make a band though
And I'll go on Liberty Idol and they'll hate the noodles out of me
fo'shame
I'm going to go to college
.....f******cking physics
curse you Newton! GLACKIFUNCKJUICE

maybe the future is a folly

my band's first song: Evolution, Maybe?

I found a Dinosaur today
maybe it tried to run away
a million years ago
oh no no
The asteroid it came to stay
it blacked out the whole darn day
no Dinosaurs came home
oh no no
Ex-Stink-tion sucks
but I guess we have our pluck
existentialism blows
oh no no
Humans now rule the Earth
With our large bursting girths
we will never go
oh no no
No-o-oh

I'm going to make it a life goal to make the best key lime pie ever.

I think I'll win.

Oh, I also want to go to college.
But, where?

Food stuffs for my mind meat.