I should tell you.

I don't have school tomorrow, the realization is sweet. I may stay up and try to become the genius I'd love to be. Or I could stay up and....watch television, read Walden, do core work-outs, create cookies, and memorize Johnny Cash songs. All of which are better if you have a person to share it with, a cup of coffee and you could find that one viral video of Allen Ginsberg dancing in his documentary.

"Doth grow the greater still, the further downe;
Till that abounding both in power and fame,
She long doth give the sea her name."
-Thoreau

I've done some late thinking on the past year since we are officially seventeen days in, eighteen in an hour. I probably should have done the thinking over the Summer or possibly while the events of last year were occuring, but my thought process has always been to sit back and watch how things play out, and that putting a hand in only caused the events to occur more erratically. It also happened with this last year that I just didn't understand enough to care.
Getting feedback on what I've been doing, just how it affects...everything, should probably lead me onto further self reflection, even though that doesn't sound remotely interesting.
I'm promising myself now, on well, electronic paper, that this semester will be different than my mediocre performance in the last one. I could bring myself to say a million excuses for my performance, for the grades I've pulled out, but I can't do that. I've done that too long....for everything that has happened in the last half of last year, too.
But, the whole slate is wiped clean with this oncoming week. With this burgeoning year, a new semester, with the calm that comes from having someone that will always be on my side. Thank you for that.

I've realized a great deal

A. I do not understand pre-cal, and I probably should. I should also learn more than what I have learned...up 'til now. It's barely getting me by.

B. That I like writing, but I don't like sharing what's closest to me, and I'm sorry if you expect that.

C.That constantly talking to people leads to less self reflection, leads to less creativity and less revelations, even though I don't have much need for them. Let's face it, if I haven't wrapped my mind around the subjects now, I'm not going to. Not unless I become bedmates with my textbook and cut myself completely off. Both of which sound very cold and unhappy places to be, especially comapared to lately.

D. I should probably get my priorities straight about exactly what I want. With everything. Everything. Even if this IS an unobtainable goal.

E. That besides everything else, January has been a very lucky month.